This particular short story was written for the Flash Fiction Challenge so many thanks to the creator of the Terrible Minds Blog. Our challenge was to create blend two genres in one short story. My genres were….Comic Fantasy and Heist/Caper. My story, as per typical Comic Fantasy stories, is a parody of a very popular work of fiction. I am hesitant to reveal which novel I parodied, as it is my hope that it will be very apparent as you begin reading. Perhaps I will leave the answer down below.
I was waiting for him in the coffee shop, sipping a frappuccino and staring out into the rain. That’s how he would know it was me. We had only ever spoken online, so when we arranged to meet in person he hadn’t been sure that he would recognize me. I told him not to worry.
I’ll be the one staring out into the rain, contemplating my life thus far.
I asked how I would recognize him but he urged me not to worry.
I’ll take care of it. Don’t strain your delicate mind.
Damn he knew how to talk to a woman. I took another sip of my frappuccino, inadvertently smearing chocolate across my ruby-red lips and up my pale, alabaster cheek.
Silly me. Ever so clumsy.
The bells on the door jangled as it opened, shaking me from my reverie. I had chosen this seat purposefully; I had a perfect view of anyone entering the shop. The rain and the glare from the fluorescent lights shaded the newcomer from my sight for just a moment. Then the door swung shut and I could make out the stranger clearly. He was tall, with porcelain skin that almost seemed to glitter. Dark hair, artfully swept back with gel. His mouth was blood red and I imagine a lucky girl could practically see her reflection in his brilliant canines.
That must be him.
He turned the full force of his stare on me and I startled, knocking my frappuccino off the table. In a flash he was beside me, scooping my icy beverage out of the air and saving it from certain catastrophe. I stared at him, feeling the blood rush to my cheeks, my awe of him completely transparent.
“Are you BloodSucker894?”
He set my frappuccino down on the table and sank into the seat opposite me.
“I am, but you can call me Eddie. You must be ClumsyWhiteGrl.”
“I am, but you can call me Olga.” I continued to stare at him. Never before had I seen a man so beautiful. He nearly took my breath away the way he was staring at me. As if I were a delicious cupcake that he wanted to devour.
“So are we going to do this or not?” He crossed an ankle over his sculpted thigh and waited for me to respond.
“Huh? Oh yeah, let’s talk. Do you have a plan?”
“I always have a plan.” He placed a folder on the table between us. “This is the target.
I reached for the folder to look inside but he grabbed my hand before I could.
“Not here! You can’t trust anyone! Not even me.” I looked down at his hand holding mine. He followed my gaze down to our conjoined appendages.
“Your hands.” I gasped, “They’re so cold.” He didn’t respond or even look up at my words. Suddenly he flipped my hand and studied the cool blue veins winding along my wrist. Then slowly, as though he thought I might run away in fright, he licked the inside of my wrist.
“Ew! What the hell dude?” I pulled my hand away from his, “Shit. I guess this is what I get for meeting a stranger from the internet.” I got up and started to walk away when he grabbed my hand.
“Wait! I’m sorry. I-I can’t control myself. Please, I need your help with the heist.”
The mention of the heist stopped me in my tracks. I needed the money if I ever wanted to get out of Spoons, the dead end town I had spent most of my life in.
“Fine.” I grabbed the folder off the table. “I’ll look at this when I’m somewhere safe but you can count me in.”
He sighed in relief, “Thank you.”
“When and where?”
“Three days. Two AM. We’ll meet across the street from the target.”
“Done.” I whirled around and tried to dramatically exit the coffee shop. It might have been more impactful if I hadn’t collided with a baby stroller, sending us both crashing to the ground.
“Damn you, stupid child.” I gave the stroller a kick before clambering to my feet and stumbling out into the rain.
I hurried along the sidewalk in my nondescript sneakers, carefully keeping my head down. I was almost at Eddie’s car when I walked into a pole.
“Ow. Damn it.” Holding my throbbing head I stumbled forward.
His Model T was unlocked so I pulled the door open and fell inside. He was sitting in the drivers seat like an Abercrombie model. His shirt was artfully unbuttoned to hint at his flawless chest.
“Nice car Eddie. Did you steal this too?”
“Of course not. This car has been…in the family for a long time.”
“Um okay. So are you ready?”
“I’m always ready.” He handed me a back ski mask before pulling an identical one over his angelic features.
“Whoa. I don’t think I want to wear this.”
“Olga it’s a heist. You have to wear it.”
“Yeah but I didn’t realize it was that kind of heist. I don’t think I’m ready for this level of commitment. We’re breaking into a blood bank not the President’s privy.” I tried to hand it back but he shoved it back at me, fury shining through the uneven slits in his mask.
“Just put it on.”
“Fine.” Then, under my breath, “Asshole.”
“I heard that.”
“I don’t care.”
“Shush!” He ducked down below the car window, pulling me with him, “The security guard is passing by. As soon as he turns the corner it’s go time.”
We waited one, two, three seconds then Eddie shoved the door open. I followed him, my heart beating so fast I swear it nearly jumped right out of my chest.
My first heist! How thrilling!
We reached the front door in no time at all. Eddie popped the door open with a shove of his hand.
“It was unlocked?”
“Yeah. More or less.”
“Cool.” Eddie grabbed my hand and pulled me along with him. The blood bank was dark but Eddie seemed to have no trouble at all navigating the twists and turns. Finally we reached a set of heavy-duty glass doors. Behind them I could faintly make out fridges lining the far wall.
That must be the blood!
“Now’s your time to shine Olga. I need you to keep watch and hold this bag. I’ll toss the blood to you and you bag it.”
“Got it.” Eddie shoved the doors open and went straight to the fridges.
Huh. They left those doors unlocked too. These people need to step up their security.
“Olga! Pay attention!” I looked up just in time to catch a flying blood bag. I caught it and stuffed it into the duffel bag Eddie had brought. We continued this process until the fridges were emptied. When the last blood bag was secured I zipped the duffel and hurried to catch up with Eddie, who was booking it back down the hallway.
“Hey! Wait up! Wait- ooph.” I don’t know what I tripped on, possibly a stray speck of dirt, or an errant pencil shaving. Whatever it was, I hit the ground hard.
“Ooowww.” Hearing my collision with the floor, Eddie came jogging back to me.
“You are so freaking inept Olga. We have to get out of here. The police will be here any-” He stopped suddenly and sniffed the air, nostrils flaring. “Are you bleeding?”
I looked down at my hands, stinging from the fall. Sure enough, a small cut on my palm was bleeding. Eddie grabbed my hand. I assumed he was going to help me but like the piece-of-shit accomplice he was, he began sucking my blood through the cut.
What the hell?
I felt a sharp prick.
Did he just bite me?
Then it hit me.
“I know what you are!” My vision was going blurry. I feel the blood draining out of my body at an alarming rate. “You’re a vampire!” Eddie looked up from his blood-sucking.
“No shit.” He rolled his eyes at me and continued slurping away at my blood.
“Gross man. Do you have to slurp? Were you raised in a barn?”
Eddie looked at me confused, “No. I was raised from the dead.” Standing up he grabbed the duffel bag from me.
“Don’t worry. You probably won’t die. You’ll become a vampire like me. I’ll call you later Olga.”
“No you won’t,” I gasped, “Men never do.” Then what he had said fully sank in.
“Wait! What? I’m going to become immortal?”
“No! No! No! Kill me now! I don’t want to be seventeen forever!”
“What? Why not? Seventeen’s a great age.”
“No it’s not! I’ve got acne and bacne and I can’t even get drunk! Not legally anyway.” Eddie ignored my protests and began to walk away.
“Don’t go! Do you even realize what you’ve done? You just doomed me to high school forever! Come back here you bastard!” But it was too late. He was already walking down the hallway away from me. I caught one last glimpse of his perfect ass before he vanished from sight.
*Thank you for reading! And if you didn’t pick up on the novel I parodied, it was in fact Twilight.